This post is an excerpt from a Five Minutes with K.P., a devotional column printed in Gospel for Asia’s quarterly magazine, GFA World. In it, K.P. Yohannan shares how, in the early days of his ministry in the U.S., he found his love for Jesus growing cold as he became more distracted by material things; he found himself losing the passion and the tears for the unreached people that he once had as a young evangelist in India. This post picks up right as he decided to seek the Lord about the state of his heart.
I went into my study, sat on the floor and simply prayed: “Jesus, I don’t know what to do. I know so much and everybody thinks I am a spiritual person, but I am so lost. I don’t know where You are, and I can’t find You. Please talk to me.” And He did. At the end of seeking Him for two weeks, the Lord showed up. I can’t explain how, but within a few seconds, millions of pictures began to flash before my eyes: faces, images and places I had been to on the mission field. And then He said, “I have been waiting for this day when you would come to the end of yourself. I have called you. I know you.”
I expected the Lord to say, “You messed up. Sell everything, go back to India and wear rags.” But He didn’t.
Instead, I was so overcome with the awareness that He loves me, He understands me and He wants me. I wasn’t able to stop crying. For weeks I couldn’t think of anything else than just being His. I was so overwhelmed by His love that He could have asked me anything outrageous, and I would have done it.
I believe God, in His mercy, allowed me to take this journey so the ministry He wanted me to do was born out of love for Him.
One outcome of this encounter with the Lord was that I looked at the possessions I had accumulated for myself, and I started giving them away. They had lost their pull on my heart.
Another was that my heart was once again aching for the lost world, and I could pray and weep for the multitudes who were dying without Jesus.
My dear friend, you may feel spiritual in a crowd on Sunday morning, but following the Lord is intensely personal. You cannot borrow this life from someone else, nor can you get it by imitating the actions of others. You see, my giving away material things and praying with tears for the lost had nothing to do with attempting to act like Jesus. It was the result of being overcome by His love for me and falling in love with Him.
The apostle John wrote, “We love, because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19 NASB).
I don’t know where you are in following the Lord, but if your heart is unmoved by the things that break Jesus’ heart and your eyes are dry, then I urge you to seek Him and wait in His presence until you are overcome by His love and you love Him back.
Everything about following the Lord will change when you fall in love with Jesus.
For more Five Minutes with K.P., follow this link.
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This article is exactly what I needed to hear! My heart strings have been tugged at for a while now, asking my Lord Jesus Christ, do I really love him as I need to as his child especially when it comes to sharing the gospel with others!! Please pray for me that my Lord will show me his wisdom and grace with this! I do know that I am not where I need and want to be in loving Him!!
I have been really struggling health wise for the last year. I have felt cut off from the Lord and slowly dying from cancer and I know it is because of my own unfaithfulness to him. This morning a friend of mine who had lung cancer, died by assisted suicide. I have prayed many prayers for him over the years and could never understand why he didn’t want to hear the scriptures I spouted because they meant so much to me. Perhaps it was because he was abused by Catholic brothers in an institution for a number of years or because his mother, a “staunch catholic,” put him there and didn’t even visit him. Perhaps it was also because the love I showed was not as pure as it ought to have been. In any case, I was glad I went to see him. It made me realize how final death is and what a gift life can be. It also prompted me to love his disabled room mate more sincerely and to be willing to help her. I have had a precious infusion of hope today that the Lord will hear my cry and rescue me from descending further into hell, forever and ever. It is too awful to even think about and people have no idea that it is very real and FOREVER. The experience along with the awful torment I’ve been going through the last year prompted me to just let go of all of my striving and notions and learning and self importance and to simply be in the moment and love and interact with all I encounter. Our own agendas can so frustrate the work that the Lord wishes to do through us and as KP recounts above, it is when we allow ourselves to fall in love with Jesus that “Everything about following the Lord will change.” I believe I have tasted this again after a horrible year of feeling cut off and doomed and I pray with all my heart that the Lord will still use me and allow me to serve him in order to bear “fruit that will last.” I would really appreciate your prayers for me. Thank you so much KP for your faithful service and heartfelt messages on the radio every Sunday; you really speak to me.
A few years ago, I decided my closets, drawers, bathrooms, and kitchen were too full of stuff,
so I went through everything, and gave half of everything away. Within a year, many people
had given to me as gifts all new things, so I had just traded the old for the new. You can’t out-give God! About 51 years ago, I came to Tennessee from the West Coast with only 2 suitcases, college debt, and a job with the Baptist Sunday School Board. Last month I left Tennessee with a house and car paid for, three storage units full of items, and so many investments that it puts me in the top 5% in America in net worth. Jesus said to give away everything that you don’t use, so I plan to do that over the next few weeks. I asked my financial planner, “Do you know of any investments that return 100% guaranteed?” He replied, “No. There are none.” I told him, “I know of only one. It’s called tithing. God told me the scripture verse that states, Give and it will be given back to you, good measure, pressed down, shaken together, means you will receive back double and more than double, and God cannot lie, so it’s guaranteed.” One of my greatest joys in life is in giving to missions to help build up the kingdom of God on Earth, to our God’s glory. Joy!
Thank you KP for such humbleness. We look forward to your sermons every Saturday and are always blessed. We thank God for your honesty and simplicity with the word. I understand what you are saying here about losing that closeness with Jesus. Please pray for us, our desire is to know Jesus more and more.